I'm Not Strong Enough For The Both of Us

I don’t think anyone will realize/comprehend how crazy I am about him…

No, he’s not just ‘another one of my crushes’.

This one’s different.

If we fight, I’m not okay until we fix it. I make the effort to go to his house so we can work things out. Never before have I cared about anyone as much as him to do that.

Just seeing him makes my day. That sounds cheesy, but in all honestly it does. There’s something about his presence that brings a smile to my face.

He knows how to cheer me up, no matter what’s the matter with me or what’s going on in his own life.

We’ve only known each other since freshman year, and have only gotten close this year. Most people who have known me since elementary school still don’t know me as well as he does. 

No matter how horribly I treat him because of my fears/personal issues, he understands. He’ll, of course, take it to heart at first, but once I explain everything it’s like none of it ever happened.

And of course, his hugs. They’re legitimately the best hugs I have experienced in my life. For once I feel safe with someone. It sounds lame being that we’re ‘just friends’, but I really do feel safe when I’m with him. 

While it’s taking me longer than I thought to get over my other best friend and the issues/problems him and I had, he’s slowly showing me that not all guys are the same… They won’t all play with your emotions as a joke, or abuse you because they find it funny to themselves. I no longer go home with bruises, nor do I go home upset after hanging out with him. I may still be scarred a bit from the previous friendship, but because of him, the scars are slowly fading away, and I couldn’t thank him anymore for that.

This is all cheesy and cliche, but it’s the God’s honest truth. I needed to let this out. People keep asking me why exactly I like him, and to be honest, what I posted was just a few of the reasons. I could go on for hours… hell, even days, about why exactly I like him, yet some reasons I just can’t ‘quite put my dick on’ (he’ll understand). 

Oh yeah, and you know those butterflies that people talk about? I never believed in them… And then I fell for him. 

I needed to let this out; le sigh.

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For the first time

I’m actually happy with the guy I’m into…

We’re friends and I’m positive that’s all we’ll ever be, but he makes me smile/laugh like a complete dork. I even get those stupid butterflies when I see him. He has a weird personality that I adore, to the point that we were talking about Reno 911 today and we decided he’s gonna dress up as Jim Dangle for Halloween. And his damn eyes… oh. my. God! They’re seriously the prettiest eyes you will ever see… My friend said I’d probably stop liking him once he really starts talking to me, but then he took it back because he realized I’m 100x’s weirder than anyone and ‘saw the way I looked at him’. 

I get along with him beyond belief, and it’s so weird because the past guys I’ve liked I always fought with… I refuse to tell him I like him ‘cause I’m terrified it’ll ruin our friendship. 

But for once, when he’s around, I’m happy/myself… 

*Sorry to Bryan if he read this; I’m aware it mighta been awkward :P*

saw Scream 4 tonight

with my two best friends.

Had some trouble getting in since it’s Rated R and my one friend isn’t 17 till like…2 more weeks. The manager was being a real bitch for some reason and made her mom come down to let her in. She was gonna buy us a soda for the “inconvenience” but that’s besides the point.

So. One friend I was with is the guy I’m really into. When we first sat down he seemed all bleh -.- so I asked what was wrong and he’s like “NOTHING!” and I was like “…..okayy… remind me not to talk to you….” jokingly.

Him: fine. don’t talk to me! -with an attitude-

Then my friend and I decided to move over a few seats because we were at an odd angle and he followed a few minutes later and sat in between us… As I was texting my friend, who yes was sitting right by me, he was reading them like a nosey bastard and then realized I was upset [he also said something earlier that I was mad about] and was trying to cheer me up. He spent a good 10 mins doing weird shit. haha.

He also did the ultimately lame stretch-arm thing -blushes- hehe. It was cute… Other stuff happened but you all would be all ” O_O why would you let him do that?!” since you don’t know our friendship/relationship/him… hehe.

On the way home he had his arm on my seat the entire time… I dunno why.

He’s such a tease, it’s ridiculous. I wish he would just come out and say “hey, I like you, lets date” or some shit x[ 

Today was decent..

First two periods were boring, but I had double chem today so that meant periods 3+4/5 in it…Normally it’s Tyler, Cam, Nicole, and I fooling around the entire time, but Cam and Nicole were absent, so it was Tyler and I.

Well, in the beginning of class Tyler came up to me and was like “Give me a hug” and then asked what was wrong/how I was doing. I gave him a note I wrote and he sat down and read it… then when he finished he got up, came up to me, hugged me again, and was like “of course I care! And you’re not a bad friend. Those people are crazy for letting you go”

We joked around the entire 1.5+ hours… Basically what I needed. cheered me up so much.

The class did this lab with water and starch… But our class+starch=starch on clothing… This kid Joe got starch all over the back of a hoodie Tyler bought yesterday, and after being pissed he decided to sit out so he doesn’t get anything else on his hoodie.

Instead of hanging out with ‘the guys’, he stood next to me… I flirted, a lot. Put my head on his shoulder, put the ‘mixture’ on his face while giggling, etc…

Period ended, and he started walking straight, noticed I turned right, so decided to turn right and walked with me to the end of the hall. It was hard as hell to keep my composure there. My best friend was walking in front of me all nonchalant and I could just see her smiling because of it.

I know I’ve said this so many times before, but the feelings increase as time goes on… I like him so much. I don’t know what the fuck to do.

I’ve been sounding like such a school girl with this Tyler stuff lately, and this is just gonna make it worse.

But honestly, I don’t fucking care. It’s the only thing that made me smile today.

I was sitting in my chair in the beginning of chem, and Tyler randomly came up to me and hugged me saying ‘Thank you’.

Me:…for what?

Him:The note on Friday.

Most of you are probably like “…it’s just a hug…” Yeah, you don’t know Tyler. He usually just gives Nicole and I [close friends of his] these weird hand shakes…

God. I like him so much and it sucks…